Anna (smolderingheart) wrote,
Anna
smolderingheart

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all these triggers are making me ache

We fall in love accidentally, plunging ourselves into an abyss that we cannot escape until the love is wiped clean. It is almost like cleaning up a murder scene, dusting off your prints and picking up the pieces of what was tossed into the air. We cannot help these things as humans we simply fall, and let the pieces lay where they will. I am especially victim to letting my heart wander where it shouldn’t, falling for those who will never love me and go as far as to tell me so. I stare at him, sparked with confusion and frustration for this will subsequently define us. All these thoughts and feelings that rang so strong, and had strung themselves along my heart have left me broken. He can feel it when he reaches for me, tugging at the fabric of my jacket telling me he doesn’t want me to be sad – too late.

I am such prey to his sad brown eyes, and I almost forgive him but my heart swells with fury and an ugliness I cannot explain. He doesn’t want to leave me. I can feel it so stiff in the air I am choking on it. The subway doors open and our bodies are already so far apart after I held back tears inside his bedroom where I later laid quietly, perched near his wall tight inside my jacket. I knew he watched me then too. I don’t move to touch him, to kiss him goodbye. We are strangers now, broken and mutilated strangers after so much tenderness. I look up to see him staring again, his hand pressed against the window looking guilty, grief stricken even. It’s as if he can tell we have lost that something special to, and he is trying to hold on. I feel like we are drowning and all this potential love is suffocating me. He doesn’t know that it has nowhere to go. I will stay heartbroken until someone else can spark those lights he so effortlessly tapped into. We are dead.
Tags: heartbreak, love
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